Hide Your Daughters

In a time when evil raged on earth... A time when coke machines refused to give succor to the needy. A time when the hearts of men failed them. A time when glassware was in overabundance but resources where scarce. A time when those in high positions looked down and did nothing. A time of misunderstanding. A time of slander. A time of fear.

...there were those who sought to fight that evil.

Supply lines were egregiously slow. Communication lines were in disarray. Armed with nothing but the manufacture of their own hands they took to the hills...

...and conquered.

Proof of a Death March

I'm not sure if this is common knowledge but Provo was to be the last stand of the iniquitous at the last days. At least that's what the Provo Canyon Prophet told me. So a friend and myself decided to heed false prophecy and get us out. We were smitten and greatly afflicted as we lightly esteemed the call to leave early. The heat of the sun and the wickedness of the city beat upon us. This picture taken by our unsuspecting camera man shows in terrible clarity the extreme heat of the sun combining with that coming from the epicenter of unrighteousness. Alas as he turned to take the picture he was turned to a pillar of salt. (This picture was taken at 1/3000 s. shutter speed believe it or not)
As our journey continued without helicopter or camera crew we felt to look at Bear as rather a wuss. We decided to take the journey due south up and around ...considering the rocky terrain. ...Have you ever had that feeling? That feeling of walking and pushing and giving something your all only to almost collapse under the weight when of a sudden you are lifted up and weightlessness carries your limp and fatigued body to the top? ...cause it sure didn't happen here. In fact as I was in the act of such musings is was stricken down for my unheeding ways. It was however but a warning shot. Much to my rejoicing I was provided a bush to keep me from rolling off the mountain. I suppose most of you won't believe what a state we were in when the top finally came underneath our frames unless you know the size of our fire. A greater man would have been ashamed of it. But I probably would have pushed him down the mountain for admitting that too.
Certain that the end was still immanent... here we are bracing ourselves for impact of the sun upon the distant horizon. We figured the safest place to be in the event of a collision with the sun would be on top of a mountain. I mean it is solid rock after all.

Well.... nothing happened again so decided that the destruction must come by mist of darkness or the angel of death or something. I was sure I saw it just like Cecil had portrayed. There must be smog in CA I guess. Then we figured that maybe such things need to have the target painted by laser first. So we did our part. Again nothing. But a few comments by way of observation. As can be seen, not only can we pick out the Orem border by their Holier-Than-Thou-White street lights but we can also note that guided missile attacks from atop Y mountain can hit West Jordan. So we waited out the night. But you know what? The sun came again. Like It always tends to do this time of year. At about 6:28. Just in time to save me from losing a bet. The second I'd won that dygn. Right as the sun peaked its ugly head we jumped down the hillside before we were spotted. Luckily it couldn't keep a lock on us as we dismounted.

So it turns out our informant was off his rocker. Lessons learned? I'm not sure I can comment on that just at this time. I only wonder what the unsuspectings thought of the green stop signs.

Systems of Equations

To burn is to live and to live?... the life. Ah. But indeed as you think it be the right of the righteous and the deeds of the undercut to contrive and to survive the plagues and the crop failures of our day... introspect. Pontificate. More is to be had on this small pond called life. Keep it up John and we'll be right back where we were. Not your concern? Moses says no. You gotta love the pain. And speaking of it... I've not been under the driving for a while. Yesterday was no exception. So while it comes in clear we ... well I ..stop to think that really it has to do with frequency really. Interesting. Redundant. Interesting what we notice when tapped in to the right tree. Pine please. ...and so what if it were. The point has been made. This is my land. Only mine. So when you want to take it choose wisely. Sometimes speed is not what you suppose or apply for though it may be what you get. In the end... you'll find that finesse is what finds the cup. Not power. Not money. And yes. France? ...bombs away.

So however you want it... know that you'll get it. And not so differently. Oh maybe the color and the S/N will have changed but know that it's still the same. A lego's a lego's a lego.
Almost.
Types? Nothing comes to mind. dry as a bone. but I do like the tie.

Erin is to Be Respected and Feared

Four Jobs I Wish I'd Have Had By Now:
1. Radio Tower Light Bulb Replacer
2. Forest Fire Fighter (Controlled Burn Ignition Team)
3. Parachute Packer
4. Janitorial Engineer

Four Movies I Would Like to Have Been a Stunt Double In:
1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
2. The Princess Bride
3. Driving Miss Daisy
4. Batman Begins

Four Places I Would Not Live If You Payed Me:
1. Paris, France
2. Disneyland
3. Under Mr. Krugar's Christmas Tree
4. In a Fish Hatchery

Four TV Shows I Think They Should Crossover:
1. Jeopardy meets American Gladiator
2. Iron Chef meets Crocodile Hunter
3. Dawson's Creek meets Shootout
4. Top Gear meets Batman

Four Places I've been:
1. Andy Bob's Apartment
2. Burger King
3. A Viking Burial Ground
4. BYU Police Records

Four Books I Could Read Over and Over:
1. One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
2. Counting For Dummies: 1 to 4 (the 2 and 3 method)
3. Why you can't yell with your mouth closed.
4. Too Much Popcorn

Four of My Favorite Combustibles:
1. Gasoline
2. Pine
3. Witches
4. Corn Starch

Four Places I'd Like to Own:
1. England
2. Nina's
3. Olympus Mons
4. Harold's Place

Four Things I'm Looking Forward to This Year:
1. Labor Day
2. Snow
3. Eating Lunch
4. A Trip to Visit the Faithful Departed

Four People I'd Rather Not Talk to Right Now:
1. Dan Rather
2. Irvin Johnson
3. Hillary the Chief
4. Pol Pot

The Prolitariate Has Spoken

After much deliberation on things not quite understood by those not knowing the ways and the means of the powers that be, it has come to the attention of those awaiting recourse that however strong and mighty mint may be in the mouth, the masses do in most large portion appear to be cognisant of the fact that we must return to the basic pre-contained knowledge of man to explore the deeper quandaries of the soul. Fire mixeth well to cleanse the inner vessel. See for yourself.

On the Meter

The 23rd. Another Monday. The second of what will be a very long string of Mondays. Kids cryin' in the back. Old men diein' in the front.       I've only got 32 minutes left could you step on it?       ...and could you please clean my carpet while I'm gone? Right. They're all the same. Mostly. The dame was different. She didn't speak much. But she was... ...Makes me wonder what happened there.       Next right.       Yeah. ...Yeah I know. Still. There are other ways around this I guess. I could just... Yeah I could. But that would be too easy. ...Ya think? ...Doubtful. Not here anyway.       The same. No prob'm.       Nice guy. Six down. Two to go. I could do this with my eyes closed. They say that's irresponsible, by the way, but I could.       Yeah? Where to? SLC?       Surprise. ...Hmmmm... What's not to love about this?... ...Hit it.

On The Decline

For all you astronomers out there.... the sun has reached the apex of its influence this day. It is now on the downhill slope of its analemma. Stick it sun!

For those of you wondering what the mer this means?....

1. Night games can now be played at earlier times.

2. The angle that sunlight is inflicted upon you is now less severe and thus burning during the same duration of time is a lesser concern.

3. We don't have to be beaten this long by the sun for a whole year!

4. Water may not necessarily last you longer on the playing field, but you can drink happier knowing the sun is leaving sooner.

5. You can check out stars for a longer period of time.

6. If you have a garden, MLT's will soon no longer be T-less. (so perky)

7. Sunsets will be longer than before.

8. Nearing syzygy. Eclipse season is coming back in season.

9. Killer whale attacks on rabbit infested wetlands now hits an all time low.

10. Winter is at long last preparing to regain dominance over the seasons.

#247 - Life is Easier If You Drive to the Correct Green

#132

- If there were more birds in the sky than there are at this time... and I mean like a WHOLE lot more birds... then it is possible that two things might occur. They could keep us humans in our place. (See Henry Jones' and Charlemange) Hitting two birds with one stone would no longer be an amazing thing by any means.

#423

- Battery acid leaks can be in some cases be curbed by not putting both terminals in the mouth at the same time as gargling a mix of Aleve and Seven-Up.

#22

- Heated spoons can cause severe burns to the palette and cheeks.

#108

- A phobia of facial mutilation on any level due to the burning of the hair is not only unrealistic it is completely unwarranted.

#198
- Justification is the grease on the slide pole to hell. (CB's Law)

#87
- Hot wiring your video card could blow out your motherboard.

#88
- Hot wiring your video card (if you are a lucky schmuck) will only blow out your video card.

#629

- If Astronomy and Astrology were indeed the same thing then the overall material, temporal, compositional and proportional properties of this life would be shifted from apolune to perilune, greatest eastern elongation would suddenly become a thing to be reckoned with, and anti-particles from expended star crossed lovers would be the end of the rest of us.

#3

- When eating ginger snaps... always ingest large doses of milk. Milk is a victual lubricant.

#42

- Gasoline can become explosive under the right conditions.

#43

- The right conditions are far too many to list.

#44

- Pine trees burn far too easily.

#573

- Taxi drivers who don't speak your language and don't know where they are going can get you to where you want to go; Purely because they have been called as taxi drivers.

#357

- It's a distinct possibility that it is better to burn at the beach than to rot in the valley.

Better Ingedients...

I thought a while the other day
What I'd be like when I was gray
As gray's begun to set upon
This chap who dives out on the lawn

Would I be full of screws and plates
To keep my bones and joints in place?
Would I still have a kidney left?
Would I of organs be bereft?

Will my old lungs still fill with air
As I run past defenders there?
Will this dark stone still pump the blood
That fuels the fire beneath the hood?

And looking there so very near
I waited as the water cleared
Then to surprise I found myself
Appearing less like some old elf

For there instead as ripples died
Was an old man all vibrant eyed
Then from the side the water splashed
Which hopes of recognition dashed

But thinking now on sights I had
The man down there looked much like dad...
Views it brought to new the mind
Somehow before I was so blind

...If I'm like him I'll get to heaven
E'en if that comes at thirty seven

The Well Has Run Dry

A chancy ago I found a happy place. (and precious little makes me happy these days...) A blessing from on high really. Untamed, full bore, power train, quenchage-ing, reliant, compliant, but not restrained, however maintained, crazed and uncontrollable, though impossibly rabid... drinking. It cools the inner and the outer man. A beautiful thing really.

So bag yourself a carafe and go buck nutty.

Mercy is For the Weak

The thoughts have been turned to kubb this day. There is something so very violent about the game. When was the last time you or any of your neighbors sat down to ponder the inner reaches of said game. In saying game we note the docil-ination that has been coherced upon the subject which fully overcomes its inate and undeniable past. Think of the horror. You. Four fellow bay dwellers at your side standing waiting to be speared by an said twice lengthy of your oncey. But what are you fighting for? For land? Domination? A large woman? One thing is sure its not for the fool standing in the middle of the field calling himself king over both warring parties. Thus we save the cuss till last just to show that he is definitely part of the losing team.

Most in unsaid days believe it to be a part of every-man's-right... a social lubricant. Now I can understand where such a thought may arise in the land of said lubricants but if allowed to bake long enough in the sun there is another take that woths back to wisdom of yore.

-You'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?

-...As God intended. ...skill against skill alone.

...So really, for those who have wondered of what the drive is driven, it's not so different from elimination.

Camus? Are You There?...

Ok. So there does happen to be some truth to the rumors going around... and I will not say nor disclose to whom or to what they were correct but as to the validity of their conjectures?.. they conjected in the correct direction. Speaking of such things does bring to mind the great happens of years past-since and gone as to fore this day. Though I do and must so attest that I have never prior nay neither shall I hence object in completion to the auspices of the day. Many are quite distracting in a manner quite requisite for this time and season under the heavens. This does not, however, fully excuse you in your understanding and undermining of the projected outcomes; in essence... I think you dropped the proverbial ball. When, and if, in days future and of a certainty forthcoming you redirect your rights and responsibilities to the more noble and fearing , I pray that this may find you in direct correlation and juxtaposition.

Find peace my brother.
Francis Heed Jaxor

Thirty Nine Things I've Not Told Anyone

So last night while sitting a thought came to me
That I was in need of repenting you see
As I haven't been the best kid all around
Not sticking to laws or principles sound

For there once was a time when a weasel and me
Got into an orchard, far up in a tree
And on looking down this weasel said "kid
I dare you to fly from this limb to that lid"

"What lid?" I exclaimed all alooking around
When a last I did spot it way out on the ground
It lay past the brook and the high resined clatter
Upon which a coward would nay himself splatter

And up over the briars and past thistled wood
Was a mesh of barbwire where fences once stood
Then, at least in my mind, there rose up a flame
Which all the kings horses could never e're tame

And speaking of horses they grazed near the forge
Which when forging oft caused a stampede in the gorge
Ah the gorge I forgot, as it was a small danger
Its only hurdle to one not a stranger

(A stranger that is to cliffs miles high
That run miles long, least as the crow flies
And that too be filled with some kind of goo
That-in-seconds will eat through the soul of your shoe)

But crossing that hurdle the way's pretty fair
To the lid 'cept for maybe a spacial rift tear
Where space and its time seem to bend round and round
Then some how wind up with the sky in the ground

And if you by chance live a while to perceive it
The rift will of living all lifelines bereave it
"But that's not too worry" said the weasel that day
"You can't get that far, no not even half way."

He smiled with a sickly and sorrendous sneer
"You've all things to lose and more things to fear.
There's hell to the left and on to the right
So your best bet is just to climb down from this height

But I dare you, you wuss. I dare you to fly
I bet you can't do it cause you think that you'll die."
But wrong was the rodent.. I wasn't real scared
For I had my warp six sixty six field prepared

And I knew by the specs in the First User's Guide
That I'd be alright.... If I hadn'ta tried
To soup up my soup and get flashy lights
To make me look sweet in the midst of the kites

So long story short things went pretty bad
Though not till I'd gotten past Zeus and his dad
Which was quite the feat I will tell you my friend
But that's when my flight came right 'round the bend

And there though I knew that it couldn't be true
About thirty and five lids came into my view
And if I'd have thought long and deep in my soul
I'd've realized there was a huge massive black hole

Which I didn't expect, but I should have seen
That the lids were caused by an einsteinian ring
And so now flish flashy has caused my decease
So I'm trying to help my soul make it's piece

In my time when you get this I'll be truly dead
But don't let that sad thought get to your head
Cause though my time is short, yours is so long
You've forever to see just where I went wrong

And when you do if you have any time
Please pull me out of this rift in space time

PS: I'll be sitting here