Problem Solved

I do say, fly swatters are a technology of the past. So how ought one eliminate man's favorite pest since days of yor without having to wash the walls afterwords? Speed. Excellence. And a little thing called superior firepower.

Exacting Change

Print courtesy of Lance 'Wilkes' Booth

Have you ever tried to fix the world's most vexing issues? What do you do about the epic battle of the poor fat kids vs. the gym class heroes? How long can you extend your bedtime? How can you get people to support a cause? What can you do about those who are wrongfully imprisoned for life? How do you increase equality? Why can't we all just get along? Does the world need to be fed? Can you get a disease from a bush?

These were the questions we pondered one night. And then another. Into the wee morning hours of three. Something had to change. That change wasn't a huddle. It wasn't first aid. It wasn't reconstructive surgery. It was new species. People like glowy things. Give them glowy things.

Genius by Lance 'I Should Have Stayed in Utah' Booth

People have been lying in the grass and diving brainlessly through bushes for years. But for a glow stick? For ten? Let's be honest. Shiny things bring more people than free tee shirts. Only Chia Earth could have foreseen the consequences.

Heist. Conquest. Enter the darkness.
Welcome to a new land where all your dreams come true.

Imagery by Lance 'Moose Trump Beavers' Booth

The Red

Photo by Lance 'The Man' Booth

There are times when you go a little over board. I mean you're reaching out to save the tree creatures and come to find that in doing so you make it utterly impossible for the trees to survive. So what are you left with? Wasted uninhabited grass-ed mountain terrain. What is that good for? A couple of pictures at the right time of day and some brush fires? Now don't get me wrong, brush fires are cool. But what ever happened to a forest fire? That's some sweet hot pants pockets!

So how does one save the woodlanders and the woodlands? Easy. You don't. It's like Grover Cleaveland once said, "If you find that everything you did has ruined everything worth doing then don't do anything until what's doable does shows itself, otherwise there'll be nothing left to be done." Joint stock companies! I don't think that was the quote I was looking for.

The moral? Remember that if you try to fix things, they just might fix you. So check yourself.

Listen To Them R2, They're Dying

What do you do when you're bored? I like to cram myself into small spaces that I have to sit in for three hours. Then I like to stretch my legs in the heat of a blistering sun. I think these things are best enjoyed on little food and water. I found some vegetation but found it to be too high in fiber and low in sugar and oil. That's two staples gone. But there was supposedly some little wild horse up the canyon that we could eat. We never got that far. No worries. We found that shade makes everything better. Even if the slot canyon walls are closing in on you. Heck, you can even have members in your group throw rocks at your head and still, in the shade, all's well. Most everything. ...of a sudden one of us marked that brother John caught fire. You see, there was a nuclear blast from a nearby test facility that lit up the sky so we had to make a break for it.
But not before we got a picture. See the determination to keep composer for a picture even as the heat in the sky begins to burn his frame. It was touch and go for a bit there as we tried to escape yet the resident optimist brother John kept on smiling.

We made it to cover at the last and decided to wait for water to come to facilitate a faster escape. So instead of hiking back out we stayed for about eight days till a flash flood came down the slots. It was pretty sweet and floating it was a blast but alas we lost all the pictures as well as little Jimmy. Jimmy, this one's for you.

I Don't Like Confrontation

And I'm thinking here that well maybe I might want a goat or some other kind of milking animal. And he says you can't have one. And I say, well then, can I have two? And he responds that they're not in season. Not in season? Are you joking me Arnold Frieberg? You got men with crazy beanies and you have the nerve to tell me they aren't in season?! Just grab me a fish then and I'll make due! Blast! It's been so long since I met someone who would just come out and give it to me straight. It can't be done. There're more tie fighters out there than you can shake a laser sword at and they're not happy. Not happy bob. ...smartly indeed. ...a bad chinese joke for loser shorts.

Really on a cheerier line (which reminds of eerier) at least there's a choice. Kind of. On the choice. ...and the at least. Oh mer...

Cheery. Right. It rained on the peasants and the peasants styed the course. They didn't hide or drown or catch sight of land. They just kept on doing what they doest bestest. Butter and cane. Let Sam let Wellon Uhfuhl own. Cause Jack Candy if she won't.

So forget your heath bar, there're more on the next page.

Swedes Love Their Silver

So I played this game. It was really fun. This was my team. We teamed up. We teamed out. We lost. That was sad. At least we didn't swear or shoot anybody this time.

Ahhh togetherness.

Cheers

You know what I'm talking about. You come into a crowded room, you say a couple of pleasantries to the serfdom and scat your way across the room. It's full but almost completely empty. There's chip and more dip than you could safely swim in. And the good juice runs out by the first hour. By the end of the day you've really done nothing but cross the room. And hopefully you've had the chance to have crossed it twice 'cause otherwise you've got to sleep there for the night, which can be problematic. Of course this could carry on for years but really what you need is more of the things you really shouldn't have jumped without at the first. Now there's the whole pizza pie; sauce and all. Yes, sure, I understand pizza friday only comes but once a week but you can warm that bench with all you got knowing, with satisfaction, that you make it possible for someone else to play. It's not like I have legs anyway.