Fake It

It had to change. And had to now. ...and now it has.
So lets look at things the way they ought to be. How they are just doesn't cut it anymore. I'll tell you why. The matter is simple. You now see you as I see you. I think it's rather... ...well it fits you. Don't like it? Well parts of you are the same. Some might say the dull parts. That's ok. A cookie's a cookie. Honestly though? There's more to you the way I see it. Smashing or damaged goods, that's the potato in a shotgun. Fire that sucker. It is nearing winter after all. Time is run out. run dry. run through. run around. run down. run out. run to death. Like a squirrel in a barrel of peaches.

Those are out of season too.

Stop Short

Yowsa! That test was such a kick in the non-poroverbial face. Like the real thing baby. Four problems in 50 minutes. Not bad huh? Just ... fifteen minutes per fella. It's just a little guy. I do say I don't think I've ever studied for a test so long in my life and then blown it so quickly. This is however why it's so nice to have so many partners in crime on this one. More than you can shake a stick at. So really, failure puts a smile on my face this time. And a big smile.

Somethin' Somethin'

It is indeed Wednesday as it says. 3:51 pm to be somewhat exact. I am currently dying of starvation. Lucky for me there is a truckload of melons that just came down my street and I got one. Maybe they'll come down your street soon. I'm going to go eat now. Then maybe I'll do some homework. Then maybe I'll figure out my classes. Then perhaps I'll prepare for graduation. Afterwords I'll run for supreme commander of earth. If there's time left over, I might go on a date.

...Don't mind if I do!

Who Needs Sleep?

Ahhh yes my friends, my confidants, my flotilla. I write a little ditty about how you can catch up on a few hours of sleep. Step one. Grab a lighter. Step two. Light said lighter. Step C. Burn whatever it is that happens to be keeping you up. This may be your homework, your television, or even your neighbor's fishbowl. Now, granted really, this may not be the best way to fix the problem in certain situations. If the case is so then follow step five... Step Six. Find a badger. Step seven. You know what to do with those.

White Trash Meets Euro-Trash

Have you ever wondered why america and the europe are separated by impassible mountains and canyons covered with more water than you could swim across in a year? These things were done for a reason. This reason. When home grown meets pure bred. Ladies and gentlemen, run for you lives. And lay some mines as you do because one of them can swim. Nothing says intelligent design like the fact that plate tectonics are continually moving these continents further apart.


...But wait you say. Those things are dead and gone. The eighties have past. My soul is saved. No my friend. Not so. This picture was taken right in my own town not two weeks ago. Gives me the jibblies.Lock the doors. And hope they don't have blasters.

Compromise Nothing

Come friend, let's talk this over first shall we? There is more time that could be put forth on this subject and honestly I'm not really ready to give up my spot on this rock. I know it seems like a selfish spot to put ones self but in all honesty it is for the good of all mankind. That's all I'm trying to say. One step. One man. One bag of gold in a field of poppies. So let me stay up here and I'll let you stay down there and we'll pretend that that works for the both of us.

Sad Day

It's over. At least for another six months. And I'll tell you... no matter the amount of time that I could have spent getting caught up on things like electromagnetic radiation and propagation I wouldn't trade it. So, a serious truth; General Conference is amazing. If we all could live up to what was taught...

...but you know the great thing is that we can. To be reminded of what is important. To feel the witness born of the Spirit. To be reminded who we are. I would tell you the best things said but this is not the place for the serious contemplations of this mind, (as you may have noticed), so I will leave it to you to check it out.

And really do it this time!

Truth spoken this day.
...and yesterday.

October 2009 General Conference

The Great Commandment

Help Save a Life

Temperate in All Things

The Arms of the Lord

Our Links to Heaven

Moral Discipline

Awake After the Fact

So I went kayaking the other day in a sea of green. It brought me to think of all that lay beneath and why it might be that things like sharks and sea turtles are war with each other. There's a lot of green tang out there you know. If you drink it it'll make you sick. I think they know that when they sell it too.
So there I was barely twenty seven years old and lost at sea. Or rather a rat awash. He always shows up again. Rather fun I say. I recommend it. Captain Nemo and all. You don't know what's coming or if your socks are still strapped in. You can't hear anything or see anything. Then you wake up the next day and what do you know you've traveled back in time, there's a dinosaur in your face and Christmas has come early. Grab yourself some glögg and remember that fog is for fighters and snow stands for happiness.

Missing Persons

I've been looking for someone and am wondering if you could help me find them. They're about this tall, walk kindof like this and looks a little like that person over there. Hair? ...of brownish blonde flavor in certain lighting. They're sort of.... shall we say averagely built only well ... kindof not. Both arms are intact, last I knew... they were walking somewhere. Or driving.
I'm pretty sure they were biking. It's the one in red and black in the picture above. It's the most recent photo I could find. So if you've seen them... give me a call. You've got my number. Same as before.

Cheese Cakes

There are a couple different kinds of free time, like the kind that makes you mad to play of hike or go jump off a cliff. The kind that brings you to bear. You just gotta dance. Or possibly loaf. Maybe you're more accustomed to the kind that knocks off your socks, your galoshes and your dental embattlements. I, however, am more inclined to notice the type that makes you wish it was gone. Like a pound of fresh meatloaf. There's too much to do and not enough time, you see. Until you have the time that is. Quantum Mechanics. I'll explain that a little later. Or the astute student could do that. And More. The thing is... why are people looking at this when they could be doing something else. There've now been over a thousand recorded hits. What could they be thhinking?! And by they I mean you. And you. (for those who have that problem) So I adjure you. Go ride a bike. Or check out the leaves. Or throw a frisbee. That's what I plan on doing. Maybe I'll see you there.

Problem Solved

I do say, fly swatters are a technology of the past. So how ought one eliminate man's favorite pest since days of yor without having to wash the walls afterwords? Speed. Excellence. And a little thing called superior firepower.

Exacting Change

Print courtesy of Lance 'Wilkes' Booth

Have you ever tried to fix the world's most vexing issues? What do you do about the epic battle of the poor fat kids vs. the gym class heroes? How long can you extend your bedtime? How can you get people to support a cause? What can you do about those who are wrongfully imprisoned for life? How do you increase equality? Why can't we all just get along? Does the world need to be fed? Can you get a disease from a bush?

These were the questions we pondered one night. And then another. Into the wee morning hours of three. Something had to change. That change wasn't a huddle. It wasn't first aid. It wasn't reconstructive surgery. It was new species. People like glowy things. Give them glowy things.

Genius by Lance 'I Should Have Stayed in Utah' Booth

People have been lying in the grass and diving brainlessly through bushes for years. But for a glow stick? For ten? Let's be honest. Shiny things bring more people than free tee shirts. Only Chia Earth could have foreseen the consequences.

Heist. Conquest. Enter the darkness.
Welcome to a new land where all your dreams come true.

Imagery by Lance 'Moose Trump Beavers' Booth

The Red

Photo by Lance 'The Man' Booth

There are times when you go a little over board. I mean you're reaching out to save the tree creatures and come to find that in doing so you make it utterly impossible for the trees to survive. So what are you left with? Wasted uninhabited grass-ed mountain terrain. What is that good for? A couple of pictures at the right time of day and some brush fires? Now don't get me wrong, brush fires are cool. But what ever happened to a forest fire? That's some sweet hot pants pockets!

So how does one save the woodlanders and the woodlands? Easy. You don't. It's like Grover Cleaveland once said, "If you find that everything you did has ruined everything worth doing then don't do anything until what's doable does shows itself, otherwise there'll be nothing left to be done." Joint stock companies! I don't think that was the quote I was looking for.

The moral? Remember that if you try to fix things, they just might fix you. So check yourself.